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Debate: Jewish Single and Interracial Dating
So... I have been getting a lot of requests lately to do Speed Dating events for “Jewish Singles” and for “Interracial Dating”. I’ve avoided these two niches because it is not possible for me to cover every religion or to cover every race. I want to be fair, I do not want to make Members mad but at the same time I want to continue to give Members what they want.
That being said… tell me why I should and SHOULD NOT do these two niche events.
That being said… tell me why I should and SHOULD NOT do these two niche events.
Views: 717
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Tony Panariello on
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Laura - you run a business. It is the imperative of all good business people to capitalize on opportunities. Having been in NJYP for a few years I can say that a lot of the people I've met are Jewish. It would be foolish for you not to seek a way to cater to such a large segment of your user base.
If you want to make it 'fair' (as much as I think trying to hard to be 'fair' is a poor business decision) you can have a poll to see what kind of targeted events people would like to attend - this way if people start to whine (or when people start to whine.. if history proves anything) you can point to the cold hard facts. Not that it would stop the whining.. but at least you'll sleep better.
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Permalink Reply by Rebecca on
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I think that sometimes people who are focused on meeting people of a specific background feel excluded from the general dating events. While I have no problem exploring NJYPs Single Mingle and Speed Dating nights, I would personally prefer to date someone who is Jewish. Also, I have tried to get some of my other Jewish friends to join me at these events and they refuse because they will ONLY date someone of their own faith.
While there are sites like Jdate to accommodate specific groups, these sites are nothing like NJYP. They are not a community and rarely offer face-to-face social events (especially in NJ as opposed to NYC).
As for fairness, NJYP holds so many events that it is impossible for each one to include everybody. The Tall Men Speed Dating events are a good example. As long as there is enough interest to have a successful event, I don't see why we should avoid specialized dating activities. Perhaps to make it fair, there could be some sort of guideline. Like, if any group gets at least 30 different people to make a request, then an event can be planned.
As an alternative, if people truly have an interest, maybe we could use the Forum to set something 'unofficial' up. Laura, maybe you could post ideas for venues where a dating event might be possible without needing our group to reserve the whole place? Just tossing some ideas out there.
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Permalink Reply by Brian and Mike on
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Rebecca- I like your point regarding setting something up when there are enough of requests for it. That is exactly how Tall Man Speed Dating found itself on the NJYP calendar.
I'm going to give some more niche SD events a try for Feb and Mar and see how they go. I respect the idea that people want to marry within their religion, culture, and ethnicity.
Thanks all for your opinions and your ideas!
Rebecca said:I think that sometimes people who are focused on meeting people of a specific background feel excluded from the general dating events. While I have no problem exploring NJYPs Single Mingle and Speed Dating nights, I would personally prefer to date someone who is Jewish. Also, I have tried to get some of my other Jewish friends to join me at these events and they refuse because they will ONLY date someone of their own faith.
While there are sites like Jdate to accommodate specific groups, these sites are nothing like NJYP. They are not a community and rarely offer face-to-face social events (especially in NJ as opposed to NYC).
As for fairness, NJYP holds so many events that it is impossible for each one to include everybody. The Tall Men Speed Dating events are a good example. As long as there is enough interest to have a successful event, I don't see why we should avoid specialized dating activities. Perhaps to make it fair, there could be some sort of guideline. Like, if any group gets at least 30 different people to make a request, then an event can be planned.
As an alternative, if people truly have an interest, maybe we could use the Forum to set something 'unofficial' up. Laura, maybe you could post ideas for venues where a dating event might be possible without needing our group to reserve the whole place? Just tossing some ideas out there.
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Permalink Reply by R on
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Laura, if you have the audience to support these ideas - Jewish or Interracial events (single-mingle, speed dating, etc), then why NOT! It will benefit your members who are interested AND looking for these type of events and the same time its good to your business. Its a win-win situation so I suggest give it a shot! You might be surprised with the results! I know you want to be fair but it will be EXTREMELY hard to accommodate everyone.
Also, you might want to consider a COUGAR-CUB single events...haha JK! =)
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Permalink Reply by Doug Beman on
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Wouldn't affect me in the slightest. If anything, it would create a happier (I'm all about the happy) community because Jewish members who prefer to date other Jewish people will have another resource to locate a happy relationship rather than, as a few have said, having to find creative ways to find out at "nondenominational" events (or risk discomfiting somebody by simply asking whether they're Jewish).
From a business perspective, the "inability to find out a person's faith" may well be keeping some members from attending current SD events. Creating events where they know EVERYBODY is of the same faith will create a little extra revenue.
The only issue I can see is: would you make attendees prove their faith? 5'10" is hard to fake (as are big...feet), but what about faith? It'd have to be honor system.
What about Reformed vis-a-vis Orthodox?
DjB
Laura Occhipinti said:Well, NJYP is about bringing people together and often people are brought together over commonalities such was wine, games, food, industry, singleness, etc. Nearly all the events you see on the calendar now were inspired by suggestions from Members. Members then “vote” on whether they like an even by RSVPing or buying tickets.
I think maybe the question should be: “If there was a Jewish Only singles event on the calendar how would it effect you?”.
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Permalink Reply by Gio on
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I originally left a comment about this event in the Speed Dating for Jewish Singles event sign up site, but Laura removed it (censorship?) and requested that i post what i had to say here.
So, if i can recall accurately what i had commented:
What is next, speed dating for (U.S. born) whites only?? I know that demand drives what is supplied, but must everything always be about making a profit. Laura you are great (and, i now add, have often brilliant!! ideas), but this seems to be just a big faux pas. Not attending.
That was my comment. Uhmm, looks like i may not need Aricept and Namenda just yet :)
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Gio- The forums are for debating and discussing, not the event pages. That is why your comment was removed.
Gio said:I originally left a comment about this event in the Speed Dating for Jewish Singles event sign up site, but Laura removed it (censorship?) and requested that i post what i had to say here.
So, if i can recall accurately what i had commented:
What is next, speed dating for (U.S. born) whites only?? I know that demand drives what is supplied, but must everything always be about making a profit. Laura you are great (and, i now add, have often brilliant!! ideas), but this seems to be just a big faux pas. Not attending.
That was my comment. Uhmm, looks like i may not need Aricept and Namenda just yet :)
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Permalink Reply by Chance Parker on
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Buckle up....
"... I have been getting a lot of requests lately to do Speed Dating events for “Jewish Singles” and for “Interracial Dating”. I’ve avoided these two niches because it is not possible for me to cover every religion or to cover every race. I want to be fair, I do not want to make Members mad but at the same time I want to continue to give Members what they want."
-Laura O.
Leaders must do what is best for the group as a whole and not give in to the influence of subgroups or individuals
It seems as though you've given this extremely important issue about 20days to incubate before making the decision to proceed....I agree with your initial opinion of this Laura, not sure why you flip flopped???
I am concerned about participating and being involved with a "professional" organization that differentiates and discriminates based on religious beliefs, ethnic background or cultural orientations. Why are you “singling” a particular demographic? I find this discriminatory and offensive to all other NJYPs?
Judaism, the religion presumed to be followed by “Jewish Singles” is only the 6th most popular religion in the world. What about the rest of us? Are the Jewish singles the big money lobbyists in this organization? What makes them special, what sets them apart. You do, this NJYP group does...but WHY?
What about Christian, Islam, Hindu, Sikhs, Muslim, Buddhist, African American, Indian American, European Americans. If you provide a specific event for one shouldn’t you provide the same for all?? All for one & one for all--nope, that's long gone in this country.
When and where does it end once you've started your ?
Why is religious belief so important anyway......it's everywhere it shouldn't be....in our govt, on our money, in our schools....Where is the separation of Church & State this country was founded on?
Do what you want but don't tailor or accommodate groups of people with particular interests or beliefs.
There are over 2100 members of NJYP and I propose them to be equally represented and not subject to specific categories based on religious, cultural, ethnic or ANY qualifiers AT ALL.(sans being in NJ and under age 35?)
This is a HUGE problem in our country because everyone is so quick to validate the compromise of moral and ethical issues based solely on the GREED OF $$$$$$$$$(aka Capitalism). "It's a business decision----BLAH BLAH. Unfortunately, this system you're all literally buying into continues to spread the huge disparity in wealth and the corresponding separation of classes.
I guess the "P" in NJNP is irrevelant because nothing in Business, professional arenas, or free trade lets you choose with any integrity who you do business with based on social, ethnic, cultrual or regilous orientation, or at least it shouldn't!!
At the end of the day this is NOT a business proposition about added value or supply & demand. This is indicative of some of the core problems of our society struggles with that is tearing and dividing the very fiber of a nation founded by outcasts and castaways. This IS a land of immigrates. Only when we realize and accept how similar we all are will we truely be able to acknowledge how unique each of us is.
It’s about time this country start to unite instead of divide.
Integrate instead of segregate!!
I would expect a professionally orientated networking group to be agenda free and secular in nature, inclusive of all, exclusive of none.
We, as NJYPs should embrace one race and 1 race only---THE HUMAN RACE-anything other than that is racist, bias, and discriminatory….IMO.
If you subscribe to being the future we better start acting like it!!
Gio and Sharif(Sam) are ON POINT!!
aahhhhh.....mondays
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Permalink Reply by Steve Brown on
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Chance,
I think you are making too big of a thing out of all of this, take a read:
For better or worse, people like to meet other people similar to them who were raised the same. As a proud Jew (if you stop reading here you'll prove my point) I have found that when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex, I have found more in common with fellow Jews as they in general were raised with similar values. While I completely understand the point of view of those who don't believe in religion, those who do can find comfort in their own.
For all intents and purposes, NJYP is used by many people to meet a significant other - finding people of quality at a bar can be random, NJYP by nature can help sort through it. There are a number of people I've met through NJYP that it took 3-5 meetings to realize they were Jewish as well, it's not like it's something that people wear on their outside, it's something more on their inside. Finding others is not easy, so Laura is attempting to make it easier, what's wrong with that?
Your missive sounds more like an attack on religion than on Laura offering the people what they want - as a business person, I'd be an idiot if I didn't cater to my consumers. The debate about bringing religion into anything is a lot older than the "20 days" it's been here, it could have been 2000 years and this debate would still rage on.
Doing something as a test is what every single business of quality does. P&G tests new product launches in Omaha. The Democrats & Republicans test new politicians in single states. So why wouldn't another good businessperson do the same thing with a logical test market like with this? If there is enough of a market to do this, then she'll continue, if not then it'll die, what's so hard about that?
Entry-level business says give the people what they want, and if you don't someone else will. As long as we're in a Capitalist society smart people will create ways of bringing people together, so why shouldn't it be Laura with NJYP?
Last question - if an Athiest speed dating session were offered, would you be interested?
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Permalink Reply by Jim Perry on
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Hi Chance,
I've known Laura for several years and I can assure you that your denunciation of capitalism, thesis on effective leadership, and discussion on the separation of powers are unnecessary in this case.
As your "outcasts and castaways" aptly pointed out, we are "endowed by [our] creator with certain inalienable rights, that among these are . . . the pursuit of happiness." It seems to me that Laura is simply seeking to facilitate that happiness by creating an environment whereby members with shared experiences can meet and possibly forge a special attraction.
Your slippery slope argument is a bit exaggerated. As we begin our celebration of Black History Month, I look forward to gaining an even greater appreciation for the struggles (and triumphs) of African Americans. Am I correct that you find this celebration "discriminatory and offensive" as well as it focusus on a "particular demographic" while excluding others? Have you denounced the Gregorian calendar?
I'm confident that Laura didn't intend to marginalize any demographic groups, but rather to encourage our members to embrace their preferences (e.g. tall, short, athletic, etc). In fact, I'm grateful for this screening process on behalf of the men of the group. I'd much prefer not to waste 4+ minutes during a speed dating event with a woman who wished that I was a 1' shorter and Asian.
Take care,
Jim
Chance Parker said:Buckle up....
"... I have been getting a lot of requests lately to do Speed Dating events for “Jewish Singles” and for “Interracial Dating”. I’ve avoided these two niches because it is not possible for me to cover every religion or to cover every race. I want to be fair, I do not want to make Members mad but at the same time I want to continue to give Members what they want."
-Laura O.
Leaders must do what is best for the group as a whole and not give in to the influence of subgroups or individuals
It seems as though you've given this extremely important issue about 20days to incubate before making the decision to proceed....I agree with your initial opinion of this Laura, not sure why you flip flopped???
I am concerned about participating and being involved with a "professional" organization that differentiates and discriminates based on religious beliefs, ethnic background or cultural orientations. Why are you “singling” a particular demographic? I find this discriminatory and offensive to all other NJYPs?
Judaism, the religion presumed to be followed by “Jewish Singles” is only the 6th most popular religion in the world. What about the rest of us? Are the Jewish singles the big money lobbyists in this organization? What makes them special, what sets them apart. You do, this NJYP group does...but WHY?
What about Christian, Islam, Hindu, Sikhs, Muslim, Buddhist, African American, Indian American, European Americans. If you provide a specific event for one shouldn’t you provide the same for all?? All for one & one for all--nope, that's long gone in this country.
When and where does it end once you've started your ?
Why is religious belief so important anyway......it's everywhere it shouldn't be....in our govt, on our money, in our schools....Where is the separation of Church & State this country was founded on?
Do what you want but don't tailor or accommodate groups of people with particular interests or beliefs.
There are over 2100 members of NJYP and I propose them to be equally represented and not subject to specific categories based on religious, cultural, ethnic or ANY qualifiers AT ALL.(sans being in NJ and under age 35?)
This is a HUGE problem in our country because everyone is so quick to validate the compromise of moral and ethical issues based solely on the GREED OF $$$$$$$$$(aka Capitalism). "It's a business decision----BLAH BLAH. Unfortunately, this system you're all literally buying into continues to spread the huge disparity in wealth and the corresponding separation of classes.
I guess the "P" in NJNP is irrevelant because nothing in Business, professional arenas, or free trade lets you choose with any integrity who you do business with based on social, ethnic, cultrual or regilous orientation, or at least it shouldn't!!
At the end of the day this is NOT a business proposition about added value or supply & demand. This is indicative of some of the core problems of our society struggles with that is tearing and dividing the very fiber of a nation founded by outcasts and castaways. This IS a land of immigrates. Only when we realize and accept how similar we all are will we truely be able to acknowledge how unique each of us is.
It’s about time this country start to unite instead of divide.
Integrate instead of segregate!!
I would expect a professionally orientated networking group to be agenda free and secular in nature, inclusive of all, exclusive of none.
We, as NJYPs should embrace one race and 1 race only---THE HUMAN RACE-anything other than that is racist, bias, and discriminatory….IMO.
If you subscribe to being the future we better start acting like it!!
Gio and Sharif(Sam) are ON POINT!!
aahhhhh.....mondays
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Permalink Reply by Lizzie on
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Chance, this is a business, not a country. But, I hope you find your utopia someday.
Chance Parker said:Buckle up....
"... I have been getting a lot of requests lately to do Speed Dating events for “Jewish Singles” and for “Interracial Dating”. I’ve avoided these two niches because it is not possible for me to cover every religion or to cover every race. I want to be fair, I do not want to make Members mad but at the same time I want to continue to give Members what they want." -Laura O.
Leaders must do what is best for the group as a whole and not give in to the influence of subgroups or individuals
It seems as though you've given this extremely important issue about 20days to incubate before making the decision to proceed....I agree with your initial opinion of this Laura, not sure why you flip flopped???
I am concerned about participating and being involved with a "professional" organization that differentiates and discriminates based on religious beliefs, ethnic background or cultural orientations. Why are you “singling” a particular demographic? I find this discriminatory and offensive to all other NJYPs?
Judaism, the religion presumed to be followed by “Jewish Singles” is only the 6th most popular religion in the world. What about the rest of us? Are the Jewish singles the big money lobbyists in this organization? What makes them special, what sets them apart. You do, this NJYP group does...but WHY?
What about Christian, Islam, Hindu, Sikhs, Muslim, Buddhist, African American, Indian American, European Americans. If you provide a specific event for one shouldn’t you provide the same for all?? All for one & one for all--nope, that's long gone in this country.
When and where does it end once you've started your ?
Why is religious belief so important anyway......it's everywhere it shouldn't be....in our govt, on our money, in our schools....Where is the separation of Church & State this country was founded on?
Do what you want but don't tailor or accommodate groups of people with particular interests or beliefs.
There are over 2100 members of NJYP and I propose them to be equally represented and not subject to specific categories based on religious, cultural, ethnic or ANY qualifiers AT ALL.(sans being in NJ and under age 35?)
This is a HUGE problem in our country because everyone is so quick to validate the compromise of moral and ethical issues based solely on the GREED OF $$$$$$$$$(aka Capitalism). "It's a business decision----BLAH BLAH. Unfortunately, this system you're all literally buying into continues to spread the huge disparity in wealth and the corresponding separation of classes.
I guess the "P" in NJNP is irrevelant because nothing in Business, professional arenas, or free trade lets you choose with any integrity who you do business with based on social, ethnic, cultrual or regilous orientation, or at least it shouldn't!!
At the end of the day this is NOT a business proposition about added value or supply & demand. This is indicative of some of the core problems of our society struggles with that is tearing and dividing the very fiber of a nation founded by outcasts and castaways. This IS a land of immigrates. Only when we realize and accept how similar we all are will we truely be able to acknowledge how unique each of us is.
It’s about time this country start to unite instead of divide.
Integrate instead of segregate!!
I would expect a professionally orientated networking group to be agenda free and secular in nature, inclusive of all, exclusive of none.
We, as NJYPs should embrace one race and 1 race only---THE HUMAN RACE-anything other than that is racist, bias, and discriminatory….IMO.
If you subscribe to being the future we better start acting like it!!
Gio and Sharif(Sam) are ON POINT!!
aahhhhh.....mondays
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Permalink Reply by Leah on
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We, the Jews, may not be a large group of people, but we are certainly a much larger presence in New Jersey than other states. I commend Laura for taking what seems to be a fair amount of member requests for this type of event, and making it happen. If there was a demand for other niche events, like Christian singles, Hindu singles, etc..I am sure NJYP would arrange such parties.
Steve B. makes an excellent point - Jews typically want to date/marry other Jews. This is usually for religious, historical, and cultural reasons. It is not to intentionally segregate ourselves from others; we simply prefer those who were raised in a similar value system or with similar beliefs and traditions. I know this to be true in my personal life and in that of many others. It is not very different from a Catholic wanting to date another Catholic, a Muslim wanting to date Muslim, etc. Yes, we are all humans, but as humans we naturally divide people into groups of religion, race, and ethnicity. There is nothing wrong with that - an intro Sociology class will teach you this.
If this, and Capitolism, offends you Chance, then maybe you're living in the wrong country. In fact, what I found far more offensive than these niche groups was a comment you originally made, but looks like it was taken down since - something along the lines of Jews being the main money collectors or funders of NJYP, and that being a possible motive for all this. Yeah, because the Jewish people never heard that line before...real original.
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