Get out. Make friends. Meet people in NJ.

Online Dating

As a new bachelor and being thrown into the jungle of first dates and meeting new people I wanted to get a pulse for the success rate of online dating (i.e. match, plenty of fish), networking events and sites such as this, or the more traditional bar approach.

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Permalink Reply by TG on September 22, 2009 at 11:13pm

Hey Paul, interesting question. Whats do you consider success? I think anytime spent meeting new people match or not can be fun. If nothing else disastrous dates make for funny anecdotes. If your objective is to meet your match expeditiously, than I say try everything, read Dale Carnegie and be very picky.

Good Luck

tg

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Permalink Reply by TJ on September 24, 2009 at 6:23pm

I couldn't agree with you more Rich...

Rich Gomez said:

I don't mean to burst your bubble, but none of my friends nor I have had much success at all with the online dating scene. If you were going to try it, though, I would definitely steer clear of Plenty of Fish. It may be a free site, but the saying "you get what you pay for" definitely applies. Your best bet is to get out and involve yourself in activities you truly enjoy - you will be having fun and projecting a positive attitude which is sure to attract some potential mates who share your interests. And, if you don't happen to meet any dating prospects or friends, at least you are spending your time wisely doing things you find interesting. Standing around a loud, crowded bar hoping to find someone with whom you have something in common is quite boring and a waste of time, in my opinion.
Best of luck!

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Permalink Reply by TJ on September 24, 2009 at 7:09pm

I've tried the online dating thing at one point, so here is my perspective; like most things... it's luck, timing, desire & commonality. Doesn't hurt to broaden your social network; however, your pursuits needs to have a basic platform, which is keep an open mind & a sense of humor. I cringe, when I recall horrific "dates" and false misrepresentation of oneself; only to be rudely awakened by the reality. People can easily post a picture, hide behind flowery words and use it to feed a hurt ego.

Perhaps, the best approach is to slow things down. Enjoy the personal pursuits of participating in activities, volunteering, hanging out with friends... taking the time to do YOU, will lead you to other possibilities. If you try too hard to replace something so soon, by participating in something that your heart isn't truly genuine about, then it will be easily conveyed.. women are intuitive;) I find that most women who post online ads, are more heartfelt in wanting long term relationships, as oppose to "serial dating"... they don't treat it likes it the 7/11 pit stop (btw, I recommend the cherry slurpy;0)!

So if your mindset is leaning towards "fishing" for awhile, then just roll with you great group of friends and enjoy the solo scene. I have heard great stories about couples meeting on MATCH.com, but I prefer the more traditional route of face to face, instant attraction... even if it takes awhile. Happy Hunting;)

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Permalink Reply by Ed Makowski on October 6, 2009 at 5:26pm

If you're serious, try eharomny. I have two friends that married their matches!

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Permalink Reply by Samantha on October 9, 2009 at 7:54pm

Having done both, I am of the opinion that online dating is just a little more... focused, I think is the word I want to use. From the standpoint of being able to narrow some things you do or don't think are right for you. But I also think that for it to be worthwhile, you have to be certain of who you are, or else you're wasting your time, and everyone else's too. I've met a lot of good guys online... and also a lot of guys that made me want to sell my computer, lol. Just like in 'real' life!

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Permalink Reply by Samantha on October 10, 2009 at 6:34pm

Thanks for posting this, it was an excellent read!

Laura Occhipinti said:

Personally, I think this is worth the read :) I love my Oprah.

http://www.oprah.com/article/omagazine/omag_200802_gorman

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Permalink Reply by Debbie McCabe on November 24, 2009 at 5:14pm

I tried 2 sites... "Plenty of Fish" and "Fitnes Singles"
Before signing up, have a little talk with yourself.... it's all about expectations.... If you go in with the attitude you have nothing to lose and this is an adventure you will gain something whether it be ...i.e. you may make a new friend, go to a new place, learn a new "tip", get a new recipe etc... get the idea? Look at it as an adventure and an experience, anything after that is a bonus.
I quit Plenty of Fish- it was a portal to the freak zone...no regrets though had a few laughs and was "picture flashed"...again had a few laughs LOL
Fitness singles from a woman's perspective had a number of guys trying to get laid (sorry to be blunt), but there were also clingy guys, a few great friendships gained, fitness tips, some guys had the body of a god and personality of a slug... it was a mixed bag...
I've heard good things about match because of the screening process- that is the site for a long term relationship...
All online dating does is expand your search.... best bet is to do what you like i.e. hobbies or meet through friends, but again online is another stream to fish in LOL
Hope this helps you & the ladeis out there. Good luck :)

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Permalink Reply by Rebecca Prince on November 26, 2009 at 11:52am

I love POF, I've been with it from the start. You get out of it what you put in, and you have to know what you are looking for if you want the greatest chance of being successful. I have nothing negative to say about it, it's a great complement to just living life and seeing what happens. Heck, I found out about NJYP through someone I met from POF. Why not drop your line in the water?

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Permalink Reply by Michael E on December 21, 2009 at 10:57am

I too have been dating online since the beginning of the year. I’ve never been the type to go up to random girls in bars and I don’t think it’s always the best idea to date friends as I’ve seen it cause too many problems so online dating seems like the best fit for me. It gives me a chance to see if I have anything in common with the person before I even message them and then I can spend a few weeks getting to know them before I/we decide if we’d like to meet up. I honestly can’t say I’ve had any bad experiences. I mean I’m still single so I haven’t met “the one” yet but I have gone on several dates and am still friends with some of the girls I’ve met.

I use PoF and another free site. I guess with any site you’re going to get people who are just looking for one night stands but there are those, like myself, who are looking for something a bit more serious. It’s really just a trial and error process and I personally have hope that things will eventually go my way. I would recommend to anyone single to give it a shot because you really have nothing to lose.

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Permalink Reply by Rebecca on December 25, 2009 at 8:53pm

I started trying online dating a few months ago when I moved to NJ. I have had some luck, but at the moment am still single. I'm definitely going to stick with it though. Like the others have said, it's just as hit or miss as trying to find someone at a bar or some other place. The positive difference for me is that with online dating I can sort of screen someone before I meet them (age, location, career, etc. are usually on a profile). I also think online dating introduces me to people who may live a little further away. I have tried OKCupid (which is free) and Jdate (which is not). I met guys off both sites, but I've had a lot more luck with Jdate. Obviously if you're not Jewish the site isn't for you, but I'm sure other sites like Match or eHarmony are similar. Good luck!

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Permalink Reply by Meghan on December 27, 2009 at 4:08pm

I agree with Rich. It is best to involve yourself in activities and interact with others. Not only does it open you up to trying new things, but you make friends and you may meet that special someone. Online sites can be helpful and useful, but to me if feels more like shopping, and that is not how you want to feel when you are looking for someone to date. It makes it feel more like a chore and less like an adventure.