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Debate: Jewish Single and Interracial Dating
So... I have been getting a lot of requests lately to do Speed Dating events for “Jewish Singles” and for “Interracial Dating”. I’ve avoided these two niches because it is not possible for me to cover every religion or to cover every race. I want to be fair, I do not want to make Members mad but at the same time I want to continue to give Members what they want.
That being said… tell me why I should and SHOULD NOT do these two niche events.
That being said… tell me why I should and SHOULD NOT do these two niche events.
Views: 763
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Lizzie on
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Wow! He actually said that? *shakes head* Chance...you are really getting out there and making friends in NJYP.
Leah Zilberman said:We, the Jews, may not be a large group of people, but we are certainly a much larger presence in New Jersey than other states. I commend Laura for taking what seems to be a fair amount of member requests for this type of event, and making it happen. If there was a demand for other niche events, like Christian singles, Hindu singles, etc..I am sure NJYP would arrange such parties.
Steve B. makes an excellent point - Jews typically want to date/marry other Jews. This is usually for religious, historical, and cultural reasons. It is not to intentionally segregate ourselves from others; we simply prefer those who were raised in a similar value system or with similar beliefs and traditions. I know this to be true in my personal life and in that of many others. It is not very different from a Catholic wanting to date another Catholic, a Muslim wanting to date Muslim, etc. Yes, we are all humans, but as humans we naturally divide people into groups of religion, race, and ethnicity. There is nothing wrong with that - an intro Sociology class will teach you this.
If this, and Capitolism, offends you Chance, then maybe you're living in the wrong country. In fact, what I found far more offensive than these niche groups was a comment you originally made, but looks like it was taken down since - something along the lines of Jews being the main money collectors or funders of NJYP, and that being a possible motive for all this. Yeah, because the Jewish people never heard that line before...real original.
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Permalink Reply by Laura Labriola on
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Chance - NJYP is a business AND SOCIAL networking group. If it was strictly professional and solely for business networking, there wouldn't be dating events (or wine tastings, hikes, game nights, or many of the other popular events) for the group. Your points were focused on ONE aspect of the group (professional networking), which happens to be an aspect that is totally irrelevant to what was actually up for discussion (the social networking aspect). Your rant was a good bedtime story for me though. Night night all.
Chance Parker said:Buckle up....
"... I have been getting a lot of requests lately to do Speed Dating events for “Jewish Singles” and for “Interracial Dating”. I’ve avoided these two niches because it is not possible for me to cover every religion or to cover every race. I want to be fair, I do not want to make Members mad but at the same time I want to continue to give Members what they want."
-Laura O.
Leaders must do what is best for the group as a whole and not give in to the influence of subgroups or individuals
It seems as though you've given this extremely important issue about 20days to incubate before making the decision to proceed....I agree with your initial opinion of this Laura, not sure why you flip flopped???
I am concerned about participating and being involved with a "professional" organization that differentiates and discriminates based on religious beliefs, ethnic background or cultural orientations. Why are you “singling” a particular demographic? I find this discriminatory and offensive to all other NJYPs?
Judaism, the religion presumed to be followed by “Jewish Singles” is only the 6th most popular religion in the world. What about the rest of us? Are the Jewish singles the big money lobbyists in this organization? What makes them special, what sets them apart. You do, this NJYP group does...but WHY?
What about Christian, Islam, Hindu, Sikhs, Muslim, Buddhist, African American, Indian American, European Americans. If you provide a specific event for one shouldn’t you provide the same for all?? All for one & one for all--nope, that's long gone in this country.
When and where does it end once you've started your ?
Why is religious belief so important anyway......it's everywhere it shouldn't be....in our govt, on our money, in our schools....Where is the separation of Church & State this country was founded on?
Do what you want but don't tailor or accommodate groups of people with particular interests or beliefs.
There are over 2100 members of NJYP and I propose them to be equally represented and not subject to specific categories based on religious, cultural, ethnic or ANY qualifiers AT ALL.(sans being in NJ and under age 35?)
This is a HUGE problem in our country because everyone is so quick to validate the compromise of moral and ethical issues based solely on the GREED OF $$$$$$$$$(aka Capitalism). "It's a business decision----BLAH BLAH. Unfortunately, this system you're all literally buying into continues to spread the huge disparity in wealth and the corresponding separation of classes.
I guess the "P" in NJNP is irrevelant because nothing in Business, professional arenas, or free trade lets you choose with any integrity who you do business with based on social, ethnic, cultrual or regilous orientation, or at least it shouldn't!!
At the end of the day this is NOT a business proposition about added value or supply & demand. This is indicative of some of the core problems of our society struggles with that is tearing and dividing the very fiber of a nation founded by outcasts and castaways. This IS a land of immigrates. Only when we realize and accept how similar we all are will we truely be able to acknowledge how unique each of us is.
It’s about time this country start to unite instead of divide.
Integrate instead of segregate!!
I would expect a professionally orientated networking group to be agenda free and secular in nature, inclusive of all, exclusive of none.
We, as NJYPs should embrace one race and 1 race only---THE HUMAN RACE-anything other than that is racist, bias, and discriminatory….IMO.
If you subscribe to being the future we better start acting like it!!
Gio and Sharif(Sam) are ON POINT!!
aahhhhh.....mondays
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I believe what he said is still up - or part of it at least:
"Judaism, the religion presumed to be followed by “Jewish Singles” is only the 6th most popular religion in the world. What about the rest of us? Are the Jewish singles the big money lobbyists in this organization?"
I'm not even Jewish and even I was floored and offended when I read this particular comment. Fortunately he does not speak for the majority of NJYPers!
Leah Zilberman said:We, the Jews, may not be a large group of people, but we are certainly a much larger presence in New Jersey than other states. I commend Laura for taking what seems to be a fair amount of member requests for this type of event, and making it happen. If there was a demand for other niche events, like Christian singles, Hindu singles, etc..I am sure NJYP would arrange such parties.
Steve B. makes an excellent point - Jews typically want to date/marry other Jews. This is usually for religious, historical, and cultural reasons. It is not to intentionally segregate ourselves from others; we simply prefer those who were raised in a similar value system or with similar beliefs and traditions. I know this to be true in my personal life and in that of many others. It is not very different from a Catholic wanting to date another Catholic, a Muslim wanting to date Muslim, etc. Yes, we are all humans, but as humans we naturally divide people into groups of religion, race, and ethnicity. There is nothing wrong with that - an intro Sociology class will teach you this.
If this, and Capitolism, offends you Chance, then maybe you're living in the wrong country. In fact, what I found far more offensive than these niche groups was a comment you originally made, but looks like it was taken down since - something along the lines of Jews being the main money collectors or funders of NJYP, and that being a possible motive for all this. Yeah, because the Jewish people never heard that line before...real original.
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Permalink Reply by Susan Vernnicek on
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Wow, intense! I am very open-minded and I think you should give your members what they want. You offer such a variety of events for many and having a few of these tight niche events won't cause any harm.
Follow your gut :)
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Permalink Reply by Gio on
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It is very interesting to read all of the different perspectives and ideas people have about this subject - no matter where they stand.
Personally, i keep failing to see the logic behind people's argument that "if enough people demand it, then Laura should go ahead and do it/all is fair in the name of business advancement" - kind of like a good sheepy :)
I admit that this perspective may work in certain circumstances. But applied as it has been by some to justify the Jewish Speed Dating event, i keep thinking it is evidently flawed, and (in principle) not acceptable.
If the expressed preference of a group of members is the SOLE criteria to determine what new ideas for events to offer (and if successful, constitute business advancement for NJYP), then what IF enough members wanted a speed dating event attended only by US-born Whites Only (no other races, no minorities, no foreigners/immigrants)? Does that mean that it would be acceptable for NJYP to run such event - simply because enough people requested it?
On a slightly different note, i must say that i would object the same way if an event was created to be attended by people who affiliate themselves with MY own religion (Roman Catholic), or any other one. It is not about the group targeted, it is about the principle of the niche idea itself. Works for some things - but not for others.
People like to CHOOSE to not attend events. And most people do not attend most events for many different reasons - maybe even including the idea that there will not be interesting people to entice someone to go (based on whatever personal criteria one has). However, i find that people do not like to be told that they CANNOT attend an event. There is a big difference there.
Semantics - i know. But isn't spoken/written language what separates us from other animal species (notice i did not say makes us better though ;)
Gio
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Permalink Reply by Eugene Geis on
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Hey... you discriminated based on height... why stop there? And if people have a major problem here, tell them to go to jdate or some dating site for other religions. What if you're a Guy like me who's into eastern religion and new agey fluff but you have a thing for Jewish girls? Where do I find a date? BTW, Laura, that last date you tried with me made me do all the work and make every decision and make every phone call... so I think you need to do a "Jews for geno" date night for me.
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Permalink Reply by Erin V on
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Why not try it and see how it goes? If people like it, they'll attend, if not, then you can tell individuals that request it in the future that it wasn't successful. If you owned a clothing store and you bought a supply of puce colored sweaters and you only sold one, you probably woudn't order puce colored sweaters again. Not everyone is into alcohol, so those that aren't probably don't go to happy hours, I mean in theory you may be offending a whole group of recovering alcoholics by holding events in bars, but you do it. Another compromise that I might suggest is having a spot for religion on profiles so that if people meet at an event and religion is important to them they can check profiles. If it's also important to the other person, s/he will have their religious practice listed.
People choose other people for a lot of reasons - some only date blondes, some won't date someone without an undergraduate degree, some won't date someone over a certain waist size, some won't date someone that hasn't traveled outside the US and it goes on and on. We all have preferences and simply because you have a preference doesn't mean you exclusively date individuals that match that preference.
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Permalink Reply by Mike Draney on
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The way I see it...we've all paid a membership fee to be on this site and while I certainly won't attend every event offered, it does bother me that there are certain events that I can't choose to attend because I don't fit certain criteria. While it's only two events so far, I fear that there will be more I might be excluded from for whatever reason. Please don't think I'm picking on tall people or Jewish people, those just happen to be the events in question right now.
I do have a hard time understanding how this isn't excluding people though...taking the tall men or Jewish speed dating events, I'm neither tall (5'7) nor Jewish (I'm Catholic), so I can only assume that by not fitting into either category I would not be welcome to attend, correct?
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Permalink Reply by Brian and Mike on
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Don't forget if you are single you can't go to the Couples Only events and vice versa.
I just added a vegetarian event so if you don't like vegetarian food you can't go to that either.
Oh, and if you don't' speak Spanish stay away from those events!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Man, I am such a discriminator!
Mike Draney said:The way I see it...we've all paid a membership fee to be on this site and while I certainly won't attend every event offered, it does bother me that there are certain events that I can't choose to attend because I don't fit certain criteria. While it's only two events so far, I fear that there will be more I might be excluded from for whatever reason. Please don't think I'm picking on tall people or Jewish people, those just happen to be the events in question right now.
I do have a hard time understanding how this isn't excluding people though...taking the tall men or Jewish speed dating events, I'm neither tall (5'7) nor Jewish (I'm Catholic), so I can only assume that by not fitting into either category I would not be welcome to attend, correct?
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I'm not trying to make a big thing out of this...I mean, in the end, you'll make the decision on what you think is best. The way I think about those other events is that while I'm not in a couple now, I would certainly think I'll be in one in the future...I don't like vegetarian, but I could always try it. If II didn't speak Spanish or very little, there's an opportunity for learning a new language or to brush up on my previous skills. On the other hand, I can't control my height, and my religion can be changed, but only with a major life decision to convert or not.
Laura Occhipinti said:Don't forget if you are single you can't go to the Couples Only events and vice versa.
I just added a vegetarian event so if you don't like vegetarian food you can't go to that either.
Oh, and if you don't' speak Spanish stay away from those events!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Man, I am such a discriminator!
Mike Draney said:The way I see it...we've all paid a membership fee to be on this site and while I certainly won't attend every event offered, it does bother me that there are certain events that I can't choose to attend because I don't fit certain criteria. While it's only two events so far, I fear that there will be more I might be excluded from for whatever reason. Please don't think I'm picking on tall people or Jewish people, those just happen to be the events in question right now.
I do have a hard time understanding how this isn't excluding people though...taking the tall men or Jewish speed dating events, I'm neither tall (5'7) nor Jewish (I'm Catholic), so I can only assume that by not fitting into either category I would not be welcome to attend, correct?
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Permalink Reply by Dr. Kevin on
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My two cents:
I've read through the whole string and feel I can simplify the argument into two camps:
The nay-sayers have the position that it is bad to WANT a segregated event. And even if there is an expressed desire for one (and it could be profitable to NJYP) that it should be restricted out of that principle; thereby using NJYP's clout and sway to effect and inform its members that it is wrong.
The yay-sayers believe it is not NJYP's duty or responsibility to use its clout and sway to send ANY moral or ideological message to its members, and should remain simply a business providing a desired service to its members.
So the decision rests on whether NJYP should or should not take that responsibility and then also, whether or not it condones the event.
My belief? I do not think its the responsibility of NJYP to enforce any ideology, because THAT is a slippery slope. By having 1 mission statement (give 'em what they want) it avoids having to make more grey moral decisions down the road.
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